Love and Marriage: God, Man, and Woman – A Threefold Cord

Have you ever tried to use a camera on a single pole? Oops! Most pictures you take will either be of the ground or the sky. How about using a two-legged stand? Not much better is it? There is a reason we use a tripod! It takes three to form a solid, complete base for anything.

Three is definitely the way to go in marriage. With God at the center, a man and woman can have all they need to live a full and enriching life together as husband and wife. These three—God, the husband, and the wife—form a complete arrangement for spiritual wholeness and loving support.

A God-centered Life

God is my Father. As His son, I have ready access to His strength, comfort, guidance, and love.  I do my best to keep Him as the center of my life, and my heavenly Father gives me what I need.

Proverbs 19:14:
…a prudent wife is from the Lord.

With Him at the center of my life, He has graciously provided a wonderful wife for me—who also does her best to keep God at the center of her life. His Word is the foundation of our marriage relationship. With my Father at the center, I am a much better person because of the support of my loving wife.

Faithful believers, as husband and wife, can give and receive the support, spiritual encouragement, and strength available from our heavenly Father. Let’s see what the Bible says about a “threefold cord” in a marriage where God and His Word are at the center.

Two Are Better Than One

Ecclesiastes 4:9:
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

We’ve heard the old saying that “two heads are better than one.” Getting help in most situations is a good thing. Look at three of the “rewards” we have when we work together with another person.

Ecclesiastes 4:10-12:
For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him….

Practical experience tells us that it’s nice to have someone around to help us if we fall, or to warm us up if it’s cold, or help us fight against a foe. Two is nice, but three is even better!

Ecclesiastes 4:12:
…and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Two Are Better Than One: Helping Each Other Up

Let’s see how each of these benefits applies in a Christian marriage. After all, the great Biblical section on marriage in Ephesians 5:22-33 is addressed to the “faithful in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 1:1). When we faithfully live God’s Word, we get the blessings.

Ecclesiastes 4:10:
For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

I’ve seen many advertisements where someone uses their emergency communication system because “I’ve fallen and can’t get up.” Have you ever fallen and found it difficult to get back on your feet?  That can happen physically, mentally, or even spiritually.  We all need help at times.  That is why God, our loving heavenly Father, has set up the Body of Christ with each member in particular needing each other member—like a real, human body with cells, organs, and limbs that need each other.

Marriage between two born-again believers is a special relationship within the Body of Christ.  From the beginning, a man has needed a woman to help him succeed.  God made Eve to help Adam.  God also set up Adam to help Eve be strong by providing loving leadership.  Today in a God-centered marriage between two believers, whenever one falls, the other is there to “help him up.” We offer support to our spouses to help them stand.

There is rarely a day that goes by that I don’t thank the Father for my wife, Sherry. So often in my life I would have avoided a lot of pain and difficulty if I would have just listened to her advice. Whenever I’m asked to share at a bachelor party, I usually say the same thing: “Listen to your wife.” And at times, I’ve been able to help Sherry steer clear of major problems by my spiritual insight or practical understanding.

Our Father invented life and He tells us how to live it the best. God being at the center provides real support to the marriage. Husbands are instructed to dwell with their wives according to knowledge and help them in their walk with the Father.  A wife also needs to know the husband’s responsibility so she can help him be what he is according to the Word.  Husbands and wives are heirs together of God’s grace in life.

I Peter 3:7:
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

One big way for husbands and wives to “help up” their spouse is to lovingly speak the truth of God’s Word to them.  All things in a marriage are to be done to build up the other person.

Ephesians 4:15:
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.

 I Corinthians 14:26:
…Let all things be done unto edifying.

One thing I remember daily about Sherry is that she is my sister in Christ. She is also my friend. Growing up with four sisters, I learned to enjoy the companionship and fun that comes with a family. I’ve also had some good friends over the years. But my wife is my best friend; I cherish her like a sister.

I am very honest with my four sisters and two brothers. We love each other and tell each other what we think. It’s the same with friends. I remember when my best friend in high school told me, “Slavit, you talk too much.” At first this hurt my feelings, but after the initial sting I took his advice to heart and became a better listener. That lesson from an honest friend has helped me for decades.

Sherry always helps me up when I need it. So I’m honest with her. I cannot think of one thing I’ve kept from my wife. When I make a mistake, I have no fear about telling her. I know that she will not condemn me, but will share what I need as she speaks the truth of God’s Word in love to me.

Two Are Better Than One: Keeping Each Other Warm

Ecclesiastes 4:11:
Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

Oh how I know this is true! I can think of winter campouts as a boy scout when our tents were pitched in snow during freezing Missouri nights. I hated getting up in the middle of the night to relieve myself. Even getting back in my cold sleeping bag was no fun! It’s hard to be warm alone physically. The same is true spiritually.

If a husband or wife start to “cool down” on their zealous love and respect for God’s Word, their spouse can encourage them to live the Word greater.  This is done by their loving care for their spouse and by their fervent example of living and speaking the Word.  We are to be spiritually fervent and do “God’s business” of living the Mystery of the one body of Christ in our marriages.  As we keep each other hot on the Word, we are serving the Lord.

Romans 12:11:
Not slothful in business; fervent [hot enough to glow or boil] in spirit; serving the Lord.

We can be spiritually on fire and help our spouse warm up too. As in all things, giving spiritual encouragement is to be done with God’s love.

I Corinthians 16:14:
Let all your things be done with charity [the love of God].

I’ve noticed after more than three decades of marriage that sometimes I can get out of fellowship with the Father. After all, everybody sins (I John 1:10). That’s when Sherry has had the spiritual insight to help me get back in harmony with God. And there have been a few times where I’ve noticed Sherry could use a little help in getting back in fellowship. That’s the beauty of the relationship.

Two Are Better Than One: Withstanding the Enemy

Ecclesiastes 4:12:
And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him….

When we are alone and attacked, an enemy may be able to prevail against us. But together, two “withstand” an adversary.

I remember walking through the woods near our home in Festus, Missouri when I was about eight years old. Thankfully, my brother Richard was with me. A big dog ran toward us with extended teeth and huge claws. Thinking quickly, Dick grabbed an empty metal milk crate and held it up as the dog jumped at us. It startled the dog, and we were able to get away. I know that I could not have withstood this vicious enemy alone. I was glad that “two are better than one” in that situation!

Challenges will come up in this world—even in a God-centered marriage. That’s why God designed the husband and wife to be joint heirs of His grace in this life.   Since the fall of man, Satan has attempted to break down God’s plan of strength and unity found in a God-centered marriage—a plan that God declared immediately after putting together the first man and woman.

Genesis 2:24:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

The husband is to “cleave” to his wife, and together they become one flesh.  Today this truth still applies to born-again believers who are married to each other.

Ephesians 5:31 and 33:
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

We can overcome the adversary in our marriages as we keep God at the center.  Keeping God at the center is to keep His Word on how to live foremost in our minds.  That direction comes from the Bible and the gift of holy spirit within us. First, we are loving and respectful of how God set up marriage.  Then as we obey His direction, we are loving and respectful of our spouses. It takes time, but we learn to love and respect each other as we live together each day.

A Threefold Cord Is Not Quickly Broken

Ecclesiastes 4:12:
…and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

I remember first rappelling off the side of a wall in college. Later, I was able to do the same from cliffs in the Rocky Mountains and buildings on Guam. Every time I’ve put my life on the line in this way, I’m thankful for how climbing ropes are made.

Each rope always starts with three individual nylon strands that are twisted together to form thicker yarn. A threefold cord is not easily broken. The yarn is used to make the white core of the rope. Then dozens of spools of nylon fiber are twisted together to make the colored yarn for the rope’s sheath. The colored sheath yarn is wound and braided around the white core to give these climbing ropes elasticity and strength.

As believers, we “can do all things through Christ” who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13).  Then together with God’s ability and a like-minded commitment to live His Word, a husband and wife can be unstoppable in their God-centered marriage.  Their mutual believing and effectual prayer will avail much; it will prevail.

James 5:16:
…The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

I Peter 3:7,12:
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers….

Biblically How a Threefold Cord Works

Look at the very first time God speaks of the three components in this cord.

Genesis 2:22:
And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

God, the Creator, brought a woman to the man. That is a three-fold cord: God, the man, his wife. Biblically, the number three indicates completeness. Marriages with only a single “cord,” based only on physical attraction or even a developed friendship, will be sorely challenged to last.

Even a marriage where only one spouse keeps God first and cares for their unbelieving spouse—a twofold cord—will have its unique challenges (I Corinthians 7:13-16, I Peter 3:1,2). It is a God-centered marriage that provides the solidarity and strength of a threefold cord, a “complete” unit.

Imagine a triangle with its point at the top. God is at the top angle, the husband at an angle on the base, and the wife at another base angle. There is great strength in that arrangement, and each of the three “sides” is important. The husband and wife each have a connection with their heavenly Father, and they also have a connection with one another.

When it comes to maintaining these relationships, God will always be faithful to forgive and restore any broken fellowship that a husband or wife has with Him (I John 1:9). All we need to do is confess our sin.

Now, what if a husband gets a little weak in his connection with God? He may begin to fall, or to get cold spiritually, or to be attacked by the adversary. That’s where the wife comes in. As she maintains a strong connection of fellowship with God, she can lovingly keep her connection open with her husband and help “restore” him to his heavenly Father where necessary (Galatians 6:1).

The same is true if the wife gets weak in her connection with God. The husband can help her reestablish a strong and vital connection. Together they are better than one and can help each other restore that three-fold cord!

One of the greatest strengths of a God-centered marriage can be seen when the connection between the husband and wife is challenged. Whenever we are wrong, we admit it and ask for forgiveness from our spouse. Then we forgive each other as God has forgiven us in Christ (Ephesians 4:32). It’s that simple.

As the husband and wife are open to God’s Word and stay in fellowship with Him, they have the strength of those two “sides” of the triangle to mend any differences between them at the “base” of the triangle. They can forgive each other and once again have sweet fellowship with one another. It is certainly very clear in marriage that “a threefold cord is not quickly broken”!