Forgiveness, Part 2

What If the Offender Refuses to Repent?

In Forgiveness, Part 1, we recognized that each of us has the strength to forgive because 1) we do not allow ourselves to be trapped into defending our own self-righteousness, 2) we have confidence in God’s love and care for our lives, even in situations that demand more than we think we can handle, and 3) we can forgive others because we remember that God in the completed work of Christ our savior has forgiven us.

But what if we’ve been offended by a brother or sister in Christ, gotten over our anger and hurt to where we can forgive them, made known the offense to them, and they refuse to repent? Some think that because we have already decided to forgive them, why should the offender even repent? The answer is that we need to be reconciled to each other in our fellowship with one another.

To understand this, consider the pattern that God set for us. He took care of our sin problem in Jesus Christ long before we were ever born.

Romans 5:8:
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

God’s offer of forgiveness was extended to me, but in order for me to receive it, I first had to repent. Peter made this clear to those in Jerusalem on the day of Pentecost. He taught them to make Jesus their lord and believe that God raised Jesus from the dead (Acts 2:32-36). At that point, all of their past sins were forgiven in Christ.

Acts 2:38:
Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

At the point of receiving this total forgiveness for sins, a person is reconciled back to God.

II Corinthians 5:18,19: (NIV)
All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them.

God loved us first, sending His Son that we might have complete forgiveness of sins and be reconciled to Him. God did this for anyone and everyone who would receive (Romans 10:9-11). But not everyone has received. Only those who respond to God’s offer in repentance will receive the forgiveness of past sins and be reconciled to Him.

When a brother or sister offends us, we follow the same pattern. Having God’s love, we are ready to forgive, and we make the offense known to the offender so that they may have the opportunity to repent and be reconciled back to us in Christ. God gave us the ministry of reconciliation AND…

II Corinthians 5:19,20: (NIV)
…he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.

We are representing God’s love, making God’s appeal to the offender so that we can be reconciled to each other. Jesus Christ taught those in his time how and why to approach a brother who trespassed against them.

Matthew 18:15:
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

From this verse we note that the desired result of bringing up an offense to the offender is not to condemn him but to reconcile him: “if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.” However, the reconciliation is dependent on the offender “hearing.” The next two verses describe what to do if he “will not hear,” or “neglects to hear.”

Matthew 18:16,17:
But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

When a person repents and is born again, they are forgiven for all past sins. They can also claim forgiveness for any sins that break their practical daily fellowship with God and others.

I John 1:3,7,9:
That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ.
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

This is what Paul meant when he said that he showed “to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, and do [practice] works meet for [balanced with the salvation they received from their] repentance.” That includes receiving forgiveness from a brother or sister in Christ that they offend.

We cannot change another believer’s mind for them. But we can do everything in our power according to God’s Word to help them repent of their offense toward us and receive the forgiveness available. That is our responsibility.

Romans 12:17-19:
Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Carrying no anger, bitterness, or desire to avenge ourselves, we are free to demonstrate God’s love by forgiving one another.

Ephesians 4:31,32:
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.