Love and Marriage: Ephesians 5

Have you read any books or manuals on marriage? Talked to a marriage counselor or family therapist? Watched TV shows like Divorce Court or Wife Swap? Asked family or friends for marriage advice? I have done all the above and more. And yes, I learned plenty. But most of it was fluffy self-improvement kind of stuff, sort of like trying to live on a diet of cake and ice cream with some chopped liver thrown in for nourishment. At one point, I decided to get serious and focus on God’s view of the subject in His Word and start eating right.

One section of scripture in Ephesians 5 describes how to achieve a most wonderful and blessed union of two people in God’s perfect love in the world today. And isn’t this what we all search for in life? No, I’m NOT saying everyone should get married. I am saying that we all need and desire to know and experience God’s love for ourselves and to share His love in our relationships with one another in the body of Christ. This is the subject of God’s Word in Ephesians and marriage comes up right in the middle of the practical part of this book (Doctrinal: Ephesians 1-3; Practical: Ephesians 4-6).

Before we read the section on marriage, let’s consider what leads into it in Ephesians 5. Verses 1 to 22 give every believer direction on how to follow God as His dear children. First, we walk in love.

Ephesians 5:2-7:
And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
Be not ye therefore partakers with them.

We walk in light.

Ephesians 5:8-14:
For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
(For the fruit of the Spirit [light] is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)
Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.
And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.
But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light.
Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.

We walk circumspectly (in wisdom, or carefully.)

Ephesians 5:15,16:
See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,
Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

Then follow three practices of speaking, giving, and submitting in verses 19-21:

Ephesians 5:19-21:
Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;
Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God [Greek reads: respect for Christ].

So why then, after all this instruction on how to live for God as His dear children and in fellowship with one another, why does the subject of marriage come up? Because this is the one unique relationship on earth between two people, a man and a woman, that God provides as an example for all of us of how Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

Ephesians 5:22-33:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

As it says in verse 32, “This is a great mystery”! Too true. I know I am only beginning to understand it. But I do see how vitally necessary it is for all of us who are married to give our best according to God’s revelation in Ephesians so that we make our marriages a beautiful example of Christ’s love for the church. And to those believers who are not married, I’d like to send out a plea to support your family, friends, and fellow believers in their marriage relationships. Let’s all rise up to share in God’s love, shine in God’s light, and walk in God’s wisdom together. With singing hearts, thankfulness to God, and a respect for what Christ has done for us, we can lovingly submit and care for one another.

Watch for more to come soon on this great section of Ephesians regarding marriage!